Book II - The Wildest Stories Ever Told

Part XI - Two Stories from the Top of the Great Jewish Dungheap

Balaam's Talking Ass

In the Jewish Old Testament there is a book called Numbers. It is all about the Israelites, about Moses leading them around in the desert in  circuitous meanderings and about how Yahweh keeps wet-nursing his pampered pets and keeping them alive in the desert for forty years.  There is also much to do about Jewish rituals, much hocus-pocus, and an endless detailed rendition of their stupid superstitions. Most of it is  incomprehensible nonsense and silly gibberish.

It seems that in their wanderings in the desert, these Yids, with their private tribal god doing most of their thinking and conniving, are continually  running into such people as the Amorites and other tribes and slaying them with the edge of their sword. By the time you get through reading  all these episodes you would think that there were no more anti-Semites left to kill in that part of the world, but each chapter seems to come up  with a fresh batch, and good old Yahweh, or Jehovah, or what's his name, kills them all.

We now come to Numbers 22. It seems that in Moab, Balak, the son of Zippor wants Balaam to curse the Israelites, because King Balak is  afraid of these Yids after what they have done to the Amorites (slaughtered every man, woman and child, as usual.) But the Jewish Super  Spook sneaked in during the night and told Balaam not to curse the Israelites because they were his favorite pets, and he had a thing going  with them.

Anyway, in Numbers 22:21 it says that "Balaam rose up in the morning and saddled his ass and went with the princes of Moab." This made the  Lord real mad. His "anger was kindled." He sent an angel with a sword in his hand to block the way of the ass.

Apparently the ass could see the angel with sword in hand but Balaam could not. "The ass turned aside out of the way. Balaam smote the ass"  to get her back on the road. The ass thrust herself against a wall and crushed Balaam's foot. Balaam smote his ass again, finally they  converged into a narrow passageway where they could go neither right nor left, and there was that angel again blocking the way with sword in  hand. Balaam still couldn't see the angel and he smote his ass again. His ass collapsed.

In Verse 28 it says, "And the Lord opened the mouth of the ass and she said to Balaam, what have I done unto thee that thou hast smitten me  three times"? Apparently Balaam wasn't surprised to hear his ass talking to him. Don't all asses talk?

The ass went on in Verse 30. "Am I not thine ass upon which though hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day?" A fair question.

This nonsense had gone on long enough and finally "The Lord opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the  way, and his sword drawn in his hand." Surprise! Surprise! Why didn't the Super Spook open Balaam's eyes in the first encounter so he could  see what the hell was going on. Even a jackass could see the angel. It would have saved all this confusion, and the poor ass would have been  spared from being smitten three times. It says Balaam "fell flat on his face." No wonder.

There is more hocus-pocus and nonsense, but we will skip the rest of It.

Moral of the story? There isn't any that I can find, unless that it implies any man can get his ass to talk, provided it is properly smote three  times, and that there is a shifty Jewish Super Spook behind his ass.

Jonah and the Whale

They say all fishermen are liars and I have heard a lot of tall fish stories in my day, but I don't believe I have ever heard a fish tale as far-  fetched and ridiculous as the one in the Jewish Old Testament called the Book of Jonah.

It seems the Lord was concerned about the wickedness of the general population in the city of Nineveh, a large metropolitan center of about  1 20 thousand ("six score thousand persons") of indeterminate nationality. Out of nowhere, the Lord picked a Hebrew by the name of Jonah to  go to Nineveh, three days journey away, and "cry against it." Specifically, he was to warn these wicked reprobates that the Lord was mad as  hell at them, and they had better shape up or else: in 40 days and 40 nights the Super Spook would put the kibosh to the whole city and  destroy them all. This was a pretty potent message, since the S.S. didn't fool around. He was real good at destroying people and cities that  displeased him. (Remember the Great Hood?)

For some reason Jonah didn't like his assignment and decided to cop out. Instead of going to Nineveh he "went down to Joppa" and there he  found a ship going to Tarshish, "fleeing from the presence of the Lord." He should have known better, because this, too, aggravated the hell  out of the Lord, and he whipped up a "mighty tempest in the sea." Naturally, this frightened the mariners aboard the same ship and they "cried  every man unto his god." Apparently, they all had separate non-Hebrew gods.

The mariners held a little jam session and concluded that there was some culprit aboard that ship who had displeased his particular spook.  They figured that said spook really had it in for said culprit, whoever he was, and had determined to drown him. Of course, since they didn't  know whose god was mad at whom, they did the logical thing. They decided to draw lots. They found Jonah asleep "down in the sides of the  ship" and apprised him of the situation. He was game to participate in the lottery. Sure enough, "the lot fell on Jonah."

Jonah admitted that the Lord had targeted him and that undoubtedly he was the culprit. What to do? Jonah was extremely cooperative. In fact,  magnanimous.

He volunteered they throw him overboard and their problems would be solved. This they did, and sure enough, "the sea ceased her raging." So far so good, but what follows is really off the wall.

Verse 17 says, "Now the Lord had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three  nights." Would you believe? Ordinarily, a person will not survive more than five minutes under water. Evidently, despite no light, no air, and  being bathed in all that gastric acid, Jonah stayed in real good shape and kept his wits about him. He prayed and told the Lord how sorry he  was about the whole goddamned mess. If he would only let him out again he would go to Nineveh and do his job right. Apparently, even though  from under water, their communication lines were in real good shape. The Lord heard, and he communicated back to the fish, who was  evidently clued in on the deal and did as it was told. "It vomited out Jonah upon dry land". How nice.

Jonah got up, fresh as a daisy, and brushed himself off. Apparently, none the worse for the wear and tear of being immersed in gastric juices  and without air for 72 hours, he proceeded on his journey to Nineveh, three days travel away.

There is more hocus-pocus, but it is anticlimactic and not really relevant to our story. Rather than continue this droll fish story, I would like to  sum up with a few cogent questions.

In whose veracity would you have more confidence, that of some unidentified Jewish Scribblers of an ancient era, or that of your own father?  Secondly, would you believe your own father if he told you a whopper like that?

The next question is - how can any person in their right mind swallow an idiotic story like that and insist it is all the "Gospel Truth" without  feeling the whole thing is a base insult to their intelligence? And finally, just what is the point of this whole silly fish story?

The White Race must learn to think in terms of: To hell with the Jews, to hell with the niggers, to hell with the mud races. THINK WHITE!

Book II - The Wildest Stories Ever Told

Part XI - Two Stories from the Top of the Great Jewish Dungheap

Chapter 26